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Articles by af86retired2

Johnny Sperm   12/7/2019

Johnny Sperm wanted to be the best. Every day he ran everywhere he went. night he did push ups and sit ups! He was buff!!! <br><br> Then the big day came. The whistle blew and he took


0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes
The Dentist   11/25/2019

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give a man a shot. <br><br> “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” <br><br> The dentist starts to set up the nitrous oxide


0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes
Little Johnny Returns   11/25/2019

The teacher asked the class to use the ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. <br><br> Molly put up her hand and said “My family went to granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was


0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
A Blonde Joke   11/18/2019

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... he finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 


0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes
Sexual Relief   11/11/2019

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert. <br><br> During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent. He ask


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
The Lawyer   10/2/2019

A lawyer, had a wife and needed move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, wanted reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he sai


0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Briefing   9/27/2019

On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: <br><br> "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for


0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes
Sunday Morning Sex   7/6/2019

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight her grandparent’s house visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather h


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
A coincidence   7/6/2019

A chicken farmer went the local bar. He sat next a woman and ordered champagne. <br><br> The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne".


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
Being Brave   6/19/2019

A man breaks into a house to for and guns. Inside, he finds a in bed. He orders the guy of the bed and ties him a chair. While tying the home owner’s wife the bed, the convict gets on top of h


0 Comments, 25 Views, 0 Votes
A Porn Star Is Born   5/7/2019

I’m a porn star! I got started… let me start at the beginning. I was very outgoing growing up. I never met a person I didn’t like. Everybody was my friend. That had often got me in trouble.


0 Comments, 369 Views, 0 Votes
A Porn Star Is Born   5/7/2019

I’m a porn star! I got started… let me start at the beginning. I was very outgoing growing up. I never met a person I didn’t like. Everybody was my friend. That had often got me in trouble.


0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes
Chinese Medicine   4/19/2019

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there. <br><br> A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning


0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes
The Bus Stop   3/26/2019

A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was to


0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes
THIS IS FOR THE OLDER GENERATIONS!   3/16/2019

A man rushed home and went into the kitchen. His wife was cooking dinner. He put his arms around her and whispered in her ear “Lets go into the bedroom”. <br><br> She pushed him away


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
Val and Suzie   2/25/2019

I was thirteen that glorious summer when I lost my virginity! Val was my fifteen-year-old sisters (Suzie) best friend. Val was also fifteen. The difference was Suzie had not developed as much as


0 Comments, 817 Views, 0 Votes
Elsie   2/17/2019

I was 58. A well built woman. My tits were 38d’s and I weighted 145. I had been married to a wonderful man for 35 years. A drunk driver ran a red light and slammed into the drivers door killing


0 Comments, 553 Views, 0 Votes
Cheat Day   2/17/2019

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago. His wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today. <br><br> She brought home McDonald’s burgers, KFC wings. Bob brought home his se


0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes
Party Games   12/22/2018

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the hom


0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes
Maggie   12/19/2018

The last thing on my mind was getting into a new relationship. I was burned a couple of months ago. We’d been going together for three years when she me hme frm work one day and said she was getti


0 Comments, 510 Views, 0 Votes
Three Sisters   12/19/2018

Three sisters decided to get married on the sme day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honemo


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
HORNY OLD LADIES   12/19/2018

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?" <br><br> The other replies, "Oh sure I


0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes
Female Surgery   12/17/2018

A sexually active middle-aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the they have become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insist


0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
Proof of Purchase   12/17/2018

A little lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, " sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat


0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes
Apology for Blonde Jokes   12/13/2018

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. <br><br> Suddenly, a b


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
Getting a new Bra   10/29/2018

A flat chested young woman goes out looking for a new bra one day. <br><br> She tries shop after shop trying to find a size 28A yet she can't get one anywhere. Finally, in desperation,


0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes
Haloween Party   10/24/2018

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but


0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes
Sex Talk   10/21/2018

Two women are discussing life in the retirement village they live in with their spouses and how they like it. One woman tells the other that she misses sex though to which the other replies that her a


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
Harry and his wife   10/18/2018

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a . She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him


0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes
Mr. Schwartz   10/18/2018

While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. “I’m sorry, Mr. Schwartz, ” says the mortician, “But I can’t send you to b


0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
The Millionaire   10/14/2018

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. <br><br> The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and


0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Night   10/7/2018

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens center. <br><br> After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist! Cl


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
An Evening Out   10/3/2018

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. <br><br> He tiptoed as quietly as he could t


0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes
Tax Time   10/1/2018

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. <br><br> The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few uestions.&


0 Comments, 50 Views, 0 Votes
Kevin had shingles.   9/28/2018

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? <br><br&


0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes
Peggy Sue   9/27/2018

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1958 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. <br><br> "Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mot


0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes
Breakfast Order   9/27/2018

An old man goes into Sarasota’s Broken Egg restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress, wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit, ca


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
I Love Older Men   9/24/2018

Growing up I loved sitting on my Dad’s lap and have him read to me. As I got older and could read on my own, I would simply sit on his lap and watch TV with him. It was always innocent. Nothing s


0 Comments, 1056 Views, 0 Votes
Sex & Calories   8/18/2018

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. <br><br> Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?


0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
Sex & Calories   8/16/2018

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. <br><br> Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
A Loving Wife   8/10/2018

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home owner’s wife to the bed, the co


0 Comments, 101 Views, 0 Votes
Male Logic   8/6/2018

This is a conversation between a husband and his wife. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answered quite simply; but, then she is speechless after answering only one question.


0 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes
What Starts With "F"   8/6/2018

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?' <br><br> Harry answered,


0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND   7/21/2018

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monit


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
The Hearing Check   7/18/2018

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. T


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
The Milk Bath   7/14/2018

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. <br><br> When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mi


0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes
Romantic Dinner   7/11/2018

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. <br><br> The waitress, taking another order at a tab


0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes
Aunt Mildred   6/17/2018

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it wo


0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes
The Divorce   6/16/2018

CURTAIN RODS On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. <br><br> On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. <br><b


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
Two Garbage Bags   5/27/2018

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. <br><b


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
Once a Marine, Always a Marine   5/27/2018

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. <br><br> She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, "Honey, do you remembe


0 Comments, 76 Views, 0 Votes
The Old Soldier   5/17/2018

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, 'your barracks door is open'. Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a b


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
An Ostrich Story   5/8/2018

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke, " and turns to the ostrich, "W


0 Comments, 70 Views, 0 Votes
An Irish Tale   5/3/2018

An Irish priest named Father O'Malley was transferred to Texas. <br><br> <br><br> Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new wes


0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes
A War Story   5/2/2018

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: <br><br>


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
THE Talk   4/26/2018

A father asked his 10-year old if he knew about the birds and the bees. <br><br> “I don’t want to know, ” the said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” <


0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes
A Bar Bet   4/17/2018

An Aussie drover walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. <br><br> He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'


0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes
Irish Pubs   4/14/2018

"As good as this bar is, " said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the


0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
A Blonde Cowboy   4/14/2018

A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exp


0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
The Lion Tamer   4/4/2018

A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. <br><br> The ringmaste


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
Heaven   3/21/2018

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven. <br><br> The woman said she would try her best. God visited the woman


0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes
The Hit Man   3/19/2018

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn u


0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes
Dumb Blond Men   2/12/2018

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've already wet mine


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
The Bug   2/11/2018

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his infidelity, when suddenly the woman reached over and cut the man's penis off and tossed it out the window. <br><br> Drivi


0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes
Birds and Bees   2/9/2018

A father asked his 10-year old if he knew about the birds and the bees. <br><br> “I don’t want to know, ” the said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” <


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
Bath Night   1/31/2018

A couple living in a small Minnesota town take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom as such but sh


0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes
The Barber   1/24/2018

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?" <br><br> The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hou


0 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes
Bonnie   1/20/2018

I was five when Mom and Dad divorced. Before she left Mom gave me a letter she wrote. “Promise me you’ll read this when you learn how,” she said. I promised. She gave me a kiss and then was


0 Comments, 954 Views, 0 Votes
How Adam Got Eve   1/4/2018

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lly. <br><br> So, God asked him, “What's wrong with you?” <br><br> Adam said he didn't have any to talk to.


0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes
Doctor Who   1/1/2018

There was a soldier in Nam that was famous for his socializing. After about a year, he noticed a problem with his friend and went in for a checkup. They had never seen anything quite like the problem


0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
Sex at 79   12/28/2017

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's even on th


0 Comments, 31 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Dating   12/27/2017

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking: <br><br> Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
Payback   12/18/2017

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!” <br&


0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes
Please Be Considerate   12/8/2017

Can I just ask every for a big favor? Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights in their yards, can you please avoid anything that is red or blue and flashing? Every time I drive, I thin


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
The Board Meeting   12/7/2017

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were ed into the Chairman's office, after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.Finally it was his turn to b


0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes
Postive Attitude   11/30/2017

A Navy fighter pilot during an aerial skirmish over North Vietnam got tagged by a surface to air missile. The panel lights up with a myriad of warning signals and s for an immediate ejection. The pilo


0 Comments, 109 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Logic   11/30/2017

I went to the liquor store this afternoon on my bicycle and bought a bottle of Irish whisky. I put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicyc


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
The Number Two Pencil   11/28/2017

Carol was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping in class. 'Tell me Carol, who created the univ


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
Two Women   11/19/2017

1st woman: Hi! Wanda. <br><br> 2nd woman: Hi! Teri. How'd you die? <br><br> 1st woman: I froze to death.. <br><br> 2nd woman: How horrible! <br><br>


0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes
Frustrated Wife   11/19/2017

The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, th


0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes
Becky   11/12/2017

I was 32 years old and unmarried when my life changed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My mother’s cousin’s sister’s was getting married and Mom and I were invited. I had little choice in th


0 Comments, 1415 Views, 0 Votes
Skinny-Dipping   11/7/2017

An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm with a nice pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, and he even fixed it up with picnic tables, horseshoe runs, and some orange, and lime tr


0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes
Sex Education   11/5/2017

A ten year old boy came racing in the house. “Mom, where do babies come from?” <br><br> Mom realizes this is an opportunity to talk to him about sex. She leads him into the bedroom a


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
The Affair   10/26/2017

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes h


0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes
Sunday Service   10/26/2017

During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered. <br><br> A lady stood up and came forward. <br>&


0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes
The Aussie   9/21/2017

An Aussie drover walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. <br><br> He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'


0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
The Accident   9/14/2017

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a hug


0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes
Jody and Me III   9/8/2017

Jody and I couldn’t get together during the next two days. We were restricted to our rooms while Mom and Dad decided our punishment. Neither one of us were looking forward to whatever it would be.


0 Comments, 709 Views, 0 Votes
Jody and I Part II   9/4/2017

Jody and I had just finished fucking and were lying on top of the bed sheets. I had my arm around her and she had her head on my shoulder, her arm across my chest. Mom wasn’t supposed to be home f


0 Comments, 696 Views, 0 Votes
Jody and Me   9/3/2017

Nudity was never a problem in our family. Mom and Dad were nudist and we visited Nudist Camps every summer. My sister, Jody, was one year younger than me. We looked forward to camp because we didn


0 Comments, 1061 Views, 0 Votes
The Ring   9/3/2017

A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfrien


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Citizen Sex   8/27/2017

Roger is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. <br><br> Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. <br&


0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes
Cowboy Sex   8/24/2017

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions: One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." <br><br> "I don't think I have ever


0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes
Robin   8/5/2017

I was despondent. My wife had died a six months earlier after a 28-year marriage. I found myself without any interest in anything. TV was always on but I couldn’t tell you what was on. Fortunate


0 Comments, 434 Views, 0 Votes
SEX AND THE ELDERLY.....   8/4/2017

The eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the Doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

"Just a


0 Comments, 131 Views, 0 Votes
The Funeral   7/17/2017

At a funeral a priest was giving the last rights to a woman who had 17 . Her first husband Edward, fathered 6, her second husband Tom fathered 5 and her present husband George standing at her grave,


0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes
Leroy!   7/14/2017

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 .

'WOW, ' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"

'Yep, they are all mine, ' the flustered momma sighs, having


0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes
The Reunion   7/2/2017

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former schoolmates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored. The band cran


0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?   6/29/2017

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John’s grandfather prepared b


0 Comments, 104 Views, 0 Votes
Hail Damage   6/23/2017

A Blonde got caught in a severe thunderstorm. Soon it began hailing heavily. Her car had dents all over it so she took it to a body shop.

The owner met her at the door and she explained wha


0 Comments, 160 Views, 0 Votes
Life in a retirement village!   5/25/2017

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormit


0 Comments, 168 Views, 0 Votes
The Accident   5/23/2017

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on


0 Comments, 178 Views, 0 Votes
The Social Worker   5/20/2017

A social worker from a big city recently transferred to an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she ever ha


0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes
Beverly II   5/19/2017

I was lost when Bev left. I moped around the house. I didn’t eat, had trouble sleeping. I couldn’t shake it off. I realized that I truly loved her and I wanted her back.

I went to the


0 Comments, 915 Views, 0 Votes
The Social Worker   5/18/2017

A social worker from a big city recently transferred to an area of hills and valleys in the Appalachians and was on her first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she ever ha


0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes
Beverly   5/16/2017

I was raised to always honor a woman. My Dad used to tell me, “You can’t tell a book from a cover and you can’t know a woman by her looks.” Every time I saw a woman that wasn’t beautiful o


0 Comments, 1349 Views, 0 Votes
Nymphomaniacs Convention   5/1/2017

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate w


0 Comments, 168 Views, 0 Votes
Damn Fine Explanation   4/15/2017

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me --


0 Comments, 189 Views, 0 Votes
My sister, Rachel   4/15/2017

Sex around our house was talked about openly. Our family was closet nudist. We walked around the house nude but not away from home. My sister (Rachel, one year younger than me) and I saw each other


0 Comments, 2323 Views, 0 Votes
My sister, Rachel   4/15/2017

Sex around our house was talked about openly. Our family was closet nudist. We walked around the house nude but not away from home. My sister (Rachel, one year younger than me) and I saw each other


0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes
Tale of the Ring   4/10/2017

A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfrien


0 Comments, 96 Views, 0 Votes
The Ring   4/8/2017

A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfrien


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
The ring   4/7/2017

A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfrien


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
The Last Kiss   4/6/2017

A group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a longhaired girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. Naturally curious, they stopped.

George, the


0 Comments, 89 Views, 0 Votes
An Old Flame   4/3/2017

I went to the National Association of Broadcasters (NA electronic show in Las Vegas a couple years ago. My station sent me every year to check out the new equipment and pick up brochures and talk t


0 Comments, 1007 Views, 0 Votes
A Variety   3/31/2017

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Y


0 Comments, 98 Views, 0 Votes
Little Bruce   2/21/2017

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bru


0 Comments, 140 Views, 0 Votes
War Wounds   2/18/2017

There was a soldier in Nam that was famous for his socializing. After about a year, he noticed a problem with his friend and went in for a checkup. They had never seen anything quite like the problem


0 Comments, 97 Views, 0 Votes
Our Introduction to the Life   2/11/2017

My wife, Julie, and I were married right after High School. We were both virgins when we got married. Fortunately it didn’t take us long to figure things out. We had our first two years after we


0 Comments, 1013 Views, 0 Votes
Where did I come from?   1/28/2017

A boy went in to his mother and asked, “Where did I come from?”

She decided he was old enough to learn about sex. She took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom. Once there she u


0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes
A Chance Meeting   1/21/2017

Lynn (her name was Carol-Lynne but everyone called her Lynn) and I grew up next door to each other. I was a year older than her. She was my buddy. We did everything together. Our families were clo


0 Comments, 1659 Views, 0 Votes
Little Johnny....again   1/15/2017

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Pr


0 Comments, 131 Views, 0 Votes
Urology Consulation   1/14/2017

When I first noticed that my penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, I was delighted, as was my wife.

But... After several weeks, my penis had grown fifty centimeters.

I B


0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes
Elks   1/14/2017

Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"


0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
Just Like Frank   1/14/2017

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank


0 Comments, 115 Views, 0 Votes
Kiri   1/9/2017

My wife, Julie, and I have been in the life style for a few years. We normally just play in our circle of friends. It’s so much safer that way. We are all clean and regular checkups. No one in o


0 Comments, 1231 Views, 0 Votes
My Mother-in-law   1/2/2017

My wife and I have been married ten years. I’ve never so much as looked at another woman. OK, OK. I looked, I just never thought of doing anything. I mean, with a wife like mine why would I wand


0 Comments, 3541 Views, 0 Votes
Three Golfers   1/2/2017

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the


0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes
A DEA Officer...   1/1/2017

..stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that fiel


0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
A Blonde and Snow   1/1/2017

One winter morning in Syracuse a husband and his blonde wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must pa


0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes
My first love, Lori   12/27/2016

I grew up in a patriotic family. My grandfather was in the Navy during WWI, my uncle was in the Navy during WWII and another uncle was in the Air Force during Korea. My grandfather took me aside whe


0 Comments, 1046 Views, 0 Votes
The Pharmacist   12/21/2016

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it


0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
Mary Jo   12/18/2016

I had just graduated from college and was home until I could find a job. Dad had died last year and I felt guilty leaving Mom for my last year. But, typically, she insisted I go. I was the first in


0 Comments, 2482 Views, 0 Votes
Indian on horseback   12/15/2016

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind


0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes
A Love Story   12/3/2016

A man was lying in bed with his new girl friend. After having great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles. This was something he loved having done.

As he was enjoying it he


0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes
Advice for an old guy....   12/3/2016

He was working out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing walking in....

He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"


0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes
Maria and I   11/20/2016

Maria and I met in first grade. Of course at that age girls were YUCKY!!! And she felt the same way about boys. As fate would have it we were in the same class all the way through eighth grade. Hi


0 Comments, 1285 Views, 0 Votes
Maria and I   11/20/2016

Maria and I met in first grade. Of course at that age girls were YUCKY!!! And she felt the same way about boys. As fate would have it we were in the same class all the way through eighth grade. Hi


0 Comments, 42 Views, 0 Votes
The Test   11/14/2016

I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists’ high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes
Sheila   11/13/2016

I was at a seminar on behalf of my company in New Orleans. The days were long and about half of the seminars were BORING!!! I took solace in that my company paid for everything and I didn’t have t


0 Comments, 1672 Views, 0 Votes
Mona   10/16/2016

I reluctantly went to my 20th High School reunion. My wonderful cousin convinced me to go. It didn’t hurt that she was also going to be there.

The big night arrived and I got there a litt


0 Comments, 1832 Views, 0 Votes
Carrie   9/22/2016

I’m 65 years old. My wife died of cancer three years ago. I went into a deep depression. Nothing, and nobody, could get me out of it. It lasted two years. One day I woke up and said this is BS.


0 Comments, 1699 Views, 0 Votes
My Granddaughter   9/21/2016

I’m 65 years old. My wife died of cancer three years ago. I went into a deep depression. Nothing, and nobody, could get me out of it. It lasted two years. One day I woke up and said this is BS.


0 Comments, 292 Views, 0 Votes
Alice   9/18/2016

My company sent me to a special school at a mid-Western university for eight weeks. All expenses paid I might add. There were fifteen in our “class”, all from different companies. The Universit


0 Comments, 1000 Views, 0 Votes
Me and Cindy   9/12/2016

Cindy and I met when we were toddlers. I was three and she was two. Our Mom’s were best friends so it was natural that we would be with them when they met. We had fun. We played like all two and


0 Comments, 1511 Views, 0 Votes
Rick and Betty   9/1/2016

My wife and I had a very normal, active sex life. While we didn’t fuck every night we usually did 3-4 times a week. Each time there is a considerable amount of oral. We both love oral. During ou


0 Comments, 1652 Views, 0 Votes
Angela   8/27/2016

I was always shy growing up. I didn’t have a girl friend until my senior year. We didn’t do much. She was shy as well. We held hands and kissed with closed mouths. I never so much as touched


0 Comments, 1609 Views, 0 Votes
Our first three-some.   8/23/2016

I spent over twenty years in the military. I didn’t get married until I was in ten years. At that time I was thirty. I’m now forty-six.

My wife (Skye) and I are very open about sex. W


0 Comments, 1287 Views, 0 Votes
Our first three-some.   8/23/2016

I spent over twenty years in the military. I didn’t get married until I was in ten years. At that time I was thirty. I’m now forty-six.

My wife (Skye) and I are very open about sex. W


0 Comments, 506 Views, 0 Votes
Ann   8/11/2016

I met Ann in a most unusual way. I was shopping in the grocery store and I bumped into her as I turned a corner. I apologized and we went our separate ways. Two aisles later she bumped into me. We


0 Comments, 918 Views, 0 Votes
My Sexual Education   8/7/2016

I was nineteen when I first banged my neighbor. Let me explain.

I was home from college for the summer and was earning some money cutting grass, doing yard work, etc. I began cutting Dot’


0 Comments, 1635 Views, 0 Votes
Diane   7/29/2016

Being freshly divorced I was always on the prowl for new pussy. I tried the usual haunts: the neighborhood bars. I wasn’t very successful. Yeah, I picked up a couple of cunts and banged them but


0 Comments, 962 Views, 0 Votes
My new life   7/17/2016

Ever get the feeling when you get to a new city that you are completely comfortable there? Or met someone and you feel like you know them but they’re strangers? I had that a couple years ago.



0 Comments, 1097 Views, 0 Votes
I get educated.   7/12/2016

It all started when I was twelve. The lady next store asked if I wanted to cut her lawn on a regular basis. Of course I said yes. How many twelve year olds can make $20 bucks a week?

MaryL


0 Comments, 1729 Views, 0 Votes
The Sheer Negligee   7/8/2016

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price. Natural


0 Comments, 172 Views, 0 Votes
My Aunt Barb   6/26/2016

I began visiting my Mom’s sister in another state for the summer when I was thirteen. All I wanted to do that summer was to swim in her pool and go play baseball with the guys in her neighborhood.


0 Comments, 2897 Views, 0 Votes
Valerie   6/18/2016

It started out innocent enough. Valerie was a teller at my bank branch and I, of course, was a customer. I was really surprised that she remembered my name after just two visits to the bank. I chal


0 Comments, 993 Views, 0 Votes
Kelly and Me continued   6/16/2016

Kelly and I got out of the pool and headed upstairs. We grabbed a couple of towels and dried off. We moved into her room. The bed had been turned down so I knew Kelly had planned this.

We


0 Comments, 955 Views, 0 Votes
Kelly and Me   6/15/2016

I was very close to my cousin growing up. I say cousin because she was my mother’s sister’s brother-in-laws . Its kinda hard to follow I know…. I grew up trying to remember the twist and turns


0 Comments, 1214 Views, 0 Votes
Diane   6/13/2016

I came home from school one beautiful fall day. I was a horny fifteen-year-old who had yet to get any pussy. Playboy was my best friend in the bathroom. I could hear my sixteen-year-old sister talk


0 Comments, 1654 Views, 0 Votes
Dani II   6/8/2016

Dani and I fell asleep in each other’s arms. It felt so damn natural it scared me. Why does this woman do this to me?

I woke up first and slipped out of bed. I padded into the bathroom,


0 Comments, 667 Views, 0 Votes
What Part of your body goes to heaven first ?   6/8/2016

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, - “When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first ?”

Suzy raised her


0 Comments, 114 Views, 0 Votes
Dani   6/7/2016

To set the stage…I’m in my early forties. I got divorced a couple years ago. We just didn’t get along anymore. Counseling didn’t work. So after five years wedded bliss and fifteen of World


0 Comments, 860 Views, 0 Votes
Jewish Divorce   6/2/2016

A Jewish says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."

He


0 Comments, 195 Views, 0 Votes
Lexi and Rikki, Part II   5/23/2016

You'll remember Rikki and I had just finished with our second fuck when my sister, Lexi, walked in.

Rikki started telling her about our introduction to sex. She went into a lot of detail.

0 Comments, 1617 Views, 0 Votes
The Sneeze   5/23/2016

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen


0 Comments, 111 Views, 0 Votes
HISTORY OF THE FAMOUS MIDDLE FINGER   5/23/2016

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be


0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes
Rikki   5/21/2016

My sixteenth summer was one to remember. I grew up in a suburb the of a well-to-do family. I had one sister a year younger than me. My sister, Lexi, went to the same school as me. We were pretty


0 Comments, 1849 Views, 0 Votes
The New Three Bears   5/21/2016

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he roars.

Mama Bear puts her head through the servin


0 Comments, 123 Views, 0 Votes
Joanie   5/11/2016

I’ve always had an eye for the ladies. It started when I was thirteen. My older sister (sixteen) had a great shape and I used to eye her whenever I could. And she knew it. She’d flaunt herself


0 Comments, 1938 Views, 0 Votes
Me and Patty   5/7/2016

Patty and I were a year apart in age. I was born a year before her. Since we were so close we did everything together. We had two high chairs, one for me and one for Patty. We went to pre-school to


0 Comments, 1437 Views, 0 Votes
Carly   4/26/2016

I met Carly on Heated Affairs. She was just 19! We had written for a couple of weeks and we both felt we’d made a connection. I was smitten with her. She had blonde hair cut short in a pixie cut


0 Comments, 1349 Views, 0 Votes
Group Therapy   4/24/2016

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small . "You all have obsessions, " he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed


0 Comments, 142 Views, 0 Votes
I lose my virginity   4/16/2016

I was sixteen when I first had sex. I matured rather young. I started my period at eleven. My tits started growing at twelve along with my pubic hair. By thirteen I was fully developed. Now that


0 Comments, 1230 Views, 0 Votes
The Toilet Seat   3/7/2016

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another m


0 Comments, 139 Views, 0 Votes
Last Kiss   3/3/2016

A group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going


0 Comments, 136 Views, 0 Votes
The favor   2/28/2016

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her: "Father, may I ask a favor?" 

"Of course. What may I do for you?" 

"Well, I bought an expensi


0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes
Fred and Judy   2/24/2016

Judy stroked my cock until it was fully hard. She slipped down and took it in her mouth. She licked the head and worked her way down to my balls. Judy took one nut in her mouth and moved it around.


0 Comments, 1371 Views, 0 Votes
Drunk Driving Test   2/24/2016

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his


0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes
Fred and Judy   2/22/2016

My wife Carol, and I had been married 35 years and had a robust sex life. I'd had some experience when we got married but she hadn't. She was a true virgin.

We retired and settled down in a


0 Comments, 1355 Views, 0 Votes
Confession   2/17/2016

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: 

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yeste


0 Comments, 163 Views, 0 Votes
Lemon Squeeze   2/16/2016

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be fo


0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes
Me and Chris   2/10/2016

I have to say my cousin is a FOX! When she walks into a room every man there drools. She stands 5'7”. Her measurements: 36c – 24 – 36, 130 pounds. She has champagne blonde hair….natural.


0 Comments, 1470 Views, 0 Votes
My sexual awakening continued   1/29/2016

After Dad and I got each other off last night I spent the day thinking about how much fun it was. I hoped we could do it again tonight even though Dad said we couldn't do that anymore. And I wanted


0 Comments, 1209 Views, 0 Votes
My sexual awakening   1/28/2016

I was a ten year old girl when my mom died. She had uterine cancer. It was only a couple of months from her diagnosis to her death. I took it hard. So did Dad.

The first night after she d


0 Comments, 1422 Views, 0 Votes
Lemon Squeeze   1/27/2016

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be fo


0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes
An old friend   1/21/2016

Carol and I were co-workers and good friends twenty years ago when we were in the Air Force. We were both married at the time. We kinda lost touch when she got reassigned and I got out.

Car


0 Comments, 1045 Views, 0 Votes
The confession   1/19/2016

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' 

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' 

The Irishman said,


0 Comments, 102 Views, 0 Votes
Missed Chance   1/17/2016

It was late on Sunday morning and the man was in bed with a hard-on. He wrote a note and had his four year old give it to his mother.

It read:

“The tent pole is up; the canvas is


0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes
Two Irish Nuns   1/12/2016

Two Irish nuns, old and young, were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one


0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes
Sunday School Lesson   1/6/2016

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, “When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first ?”

Suzy raised her ha


0 Comments, 1224 Views, 0 Votes
Ellie   1/3/2016

My wife is very sexy even though she is forty-two. She's got a marvelous shape: 38c-24-36, 5'4'', 140 pounds. AND she has the prettiest face. We met in college and got engaged six days later. Ye


0 Comments, 1113 Views, 0 Votes
Exercises for those over 55   1/2/2016

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

  Each day you'll fin


0 Comments, 101 Views, 0 Votes
Little Bruce   1/1/2016

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,  but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bru


0 Comments, 162 Views, 0 Votes
Well-baby exam   12/31/2015

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come for the baby's first exam.

Finally the doctor arrived, examined the baby, check his weight, and being a l


0 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes
The Errant Wife   12/30/2015

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to


0 Comments, 192 Views, 0 Votes
My Sister-in-law   12/28/2015

In the start of this saga my wife's sister, Annie, came to visit. She'd lost her husband five years before and was extremely horny. At my wife Bonnie's, urging Annie came to my bed and we ended up f


0 Comments, 1453 Views, 0 Votes
My Sister-in-law   12/26/2015

My sister-in-law (Annie) came for a visit over Christmas. She's my wife's sister. Her husband died five years ago and she's been coming to visit on Christmas ever since. I like her a lot. She pret


0 Comments, 1771 Views, 0 Votes
Politically Correct Definitions   12/20/2015

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as ‘APPAL


0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes
Me and My Dad   12/18/2015

I woke up the next morning feeling wonderful. I was a woman now. I was really excited about the thought of the next time. And started plotting how I would get back in dads bed. I thought about las


0 Comments, 1458 Views, 0 Votes
Me and My Dad   12/15/2015

When I was a little girl I loved crawling up on my daddy's lap. He'd hold me and snuggle with me. He would read stories to me. As I got a holder his lap seemed to get smaller. I guess I was about


0 Comments, 1832 Views, 0 Votes
Crows and Trucks   12/10/2015

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A bird pathologist examined t


0 Comments, 105 Views, 0 Votes
The "Question"   12/7/2015

The little boy runs into the house. "Mommy, where did I come from?"

She hesitates and then decides he's old enough and takes him into the bedroom. She strips and lays on the bed. She sprea


0 Comments, 234 Views, 0 Votes
The Bet   12/3/2015

A little old lady went into the Headquarters of Bank of America carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account.

The recept


0 Comments, 161 Views, 0 Votes
The Statue   12/3/2015

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said. “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him w


0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes
Don't Mess with Seniors   12/1/2015

There were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.

There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female pro


0 Comments, 153 Views, 0 Votes
My Sister and I, part II   12/1/2015

Over the next year we had many more sixty-nine sessions. In one of them Shelly kept sucking my cock until I came in her mouth. She even swallowed it.

Now I was sixteen and Shelly fifteen.


0 Comments, 1749 Views, 0 Votes
My sister and I   11/29/2015

I'm very close to my sister. I'm just a year older than Shelly. Growing up we were always together. We were best buddies. Until I was ten we even took baths together. We thought nothing of it. S


0 Comments, 2039 Views, 0 Votes
Nat   11/27/2015

My cousins was getting married and, of course, I attended the wedding. I hadn't see Diane for several years as I was living on the other side of the country. She was a beautiful young lady and was


0 Comments, 1479 Views, 0 Votes
Murphy the Golfer   11/23/2015

One day on Lucky Hole #13,  Murphy finally makes his first hole-in-one. Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view and congratulates him.

  The leprechaun says, "For this hole-in-one, I wil


0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes
AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:   11/22/2015

1.  AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2.  AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING


0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes
Circumcised   11/21/2015

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

  She went back to find out what was going on.

 


0 Comments, 170 Views, 0 Votes
The new milking machine   11/19/2015

A farmer ordered a hi-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment


0 Comments, 176 Views, 0 Votes
Gina   11/17/2015

After several years of not going to the gym I decided to start up again. I can't tell you how hard it was to get motivated again. But the loss of muscle tone and strength pushed me a lot.

A


0 Comments, 1094 Views, 0 Votes
SAD STORY... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE.   11/15/2015

A foursome of men waited at the men's tee while a foursome of women was hitting in front of them -- taking their time.

When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet .


0 Comments, 137 Views, 0 Votes
Golf on Fridays   11/12/2015

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.  When asked  what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had bee


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?   11/11/2015

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Typ


0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes
Sergeant Lumpkin II   11/9/2015

The sun shining in the window woke me up. Did you ever wake up in a strange place and wonder where you are? That's what happened to me. I was lying on my left side facing the window. I looked at t


0 Comments, 821 Views, 0 Votes
Sergeant Lumpkin   11/8/2015

I was twenty-two and new to the military. Anyone with a stripe was higher than me and was to be feared. It was my luck that my first duty assignment after boot camp was Stateside. After post-basic


0 Comments, 1070 Views, 0 Votes
Condom Explanation   11/7/2015

A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent . They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called con


0 Comments, 106 Views, 0 Votes
MaryAnn II   10/28/2015

In my last report I talked about my first love: MaryAnn. We dated, off and on, for some six years before the final breakup.

Let's pick up where I left off….

“There's a lot you d


0 Comments, 512 Views, 0 Votes
Life expectancy   10/25/2015

A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

  While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

  God said, "No, y


0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes
MaryAnn   10/25/2015

My first love was MaryAnn. We met at a campground when I was camping with the Boy Scouts. We were together two years and then went our separate ways. I went off to the military and shortly after I


0 Comments, 864 Views, 0 Votes
The sex surrogate   10/21/2015

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION AND DOES NOT ACCURATELY PORTRAY SEXUAL SURROGATES.

I have a confession. I have ED. I can get it up but it fades quickly. My wife became frustrated and so did I. <


0 Comments, 631 Views, 0 Votes
A RIDE IN THE TAXI   10/21/2015

A woman and her twelve-year-old were riding in a taxi. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. 

  "Mom, " said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"  "The


0 Comments, 169 Views, 0 Votes
The Biology Exam   10/20/2015

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, was


0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes
BIRTH CONTROL FOR GRANDMA   10/17/2015

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed


0 Comments, 170 Views, 0 Votes
An Impatient Man   10/16/2015

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll h


0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes
Amber continued   10/6/2015

After we moved back to bed we talked and talked and talked. We must have talked for an hour. Amber was snuggled into my side, her head on my shoulder. I had my arm around her. It was very comforta


0 Comments, 997 Views, 0 Votes
Amber   10/4/2015

I had a problem with my penis about six months ago. It was sore, red and swollen. The doctors could not determine the cause and decided to admit me for a couple of days for test and observation. I


0 Comments, 1535 Views, 0 Votes
A blind date II   9/21/2015

When we last talked Linda and are were in my bedroom getting it on….

Linda was giving me a blowjob. I was close and told her so.

She mumbled something and kept it up. I couldn’


0 Comments, 824 Views, 0 Votes
A blind date   9/19/2015

My sister, Karen, and I continued our fucking relationship for a little over three years. Karen had gotten a job in a company in the city I lived in so it was good. While she was working she met a g


0 Comments, 1339 Views, 0 Votes
A Sisterly Story II   9/16/2015

In my last story….

My resistance was gone. I reached for her and she melted in my arms. “Oh God. I’ve wanted this for way too long, ” Karen whispered.

I leaned down and kis


0 Comments, 1614 Views, 0 Votes
A Sisterly Story   9/15/2015

My sister is two years younger than me. We had a pretty normal upbringing. Mom and Dad weren’t too strict so Karen and I had lots of fun. Yeah, we got into some minor trouble but that’s pretty


0 Comments, 1697 Views, 0 Votes
Being Neighborly   9/12/2015

She's single... She's shapely ...She's beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window.

I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was su


0 Comments, 179 Views, 0 Votes
Little League Sportsmanship   9/6/2015

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little


0 Comments, 137 Views, 0 Votes
I'm a Sperm Donor   9/6/2015

I stopped in to my favorite coffee shop. As usual there was quite a line. I didn’t mind the wait…I had my newspaper with me. I opened to the Sports section to read about my Lions. I got into t


0 Comments, 1181 Views, 0 Votes
My high school reunion   8/29/2015

My high school’s 25th reunion was coming up and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. I hadn’t been in contact with anyone from our class. I joined the military right out of high school and lost conta


0 Comments, 952 Views, 0 Votes
Rosebuds   8/26/2015

A comes downstairs to go on date with a see-through Blouse and no Bra.

Her Grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The tells her ‘Loosen up Gram


0 Comments, 189 Views, 0 Votes
Ellen II   8/3/2015

At our meeting the next day Ellen and I kept up appearances by acting as we did yesterday. It was hard. I wanted to go over and lay her on the table and eat her out. But we used great restraint. A


0 Comments, 951 Views, 0 Votes
Ellen   8/2/2015

I’m a life member in an organization that shall remain unnamed. We had a conference in another city and I attended alone, my wife declining to go. The first day was the normal, boring opening cere


0 Comments, 1136 Views, 0 Votes
An Old Golfer   7/17/2015

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the clubhouse. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hangin


0 Comments, 160 Views, 0 Votes
The Way Golfers Age   7/1/2015

A foursome of golfers, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the waitresses were young, good looking, had big bre


0 Comments, 126 Views, 0 Votes
Mom, me and Carrie   6/27/2015

The time had come. Mom took me aside and explained what I had to do.

“She’s quite nervous so I want you to take it slow and easy. You’ve been loving me for three years and you know yo


0 Comments, 2775 Views, 0 Votes
Mom and Me   6/25/2015

I was thirteen when I first had sex…in a way. In our house we all walked around nude. I’d been doing that since I was potty trained at two. My sister (three years younger than me) was a little


0 Comments, 2601 Views, 0 Votes
Angela   6/19/2015

A friend of mine had his fortieth birthday party at a posh club. There were probably a hundred people attending. I was single at the time so I went without a date. I found a number of attractive yo


0 Comments, 1169 Views, 0 Votes
Sue   6/15/2015

I was nineteen and in the military when I met Sue. We had a passionate relationship for a year. I thought about marrying her but decided I was too young. I got out of the military and never contact


0 Comments, 1274 Views, 0 Votes
A National Convention   6/13/2015

An organization I belong to held its National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio a couple years ago. As an officer in our chapter I attended. Matter of fact, I was the ONLY member of our chapter to atten


0 Comments, 1416 Views, 0 Votes
Best Senior Sex   6/2/2015

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We wen


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
Reluctant    5/31/2015

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good


0 Comments, 332 Views, 0 Votes
Sunday Mass   5/31/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I


0 Comments, 99 Views, 0 Votes
Sunday Mass   5/31/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I


0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes
Morning Sex   5/31/2015

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and


0 Comments, 135 Views, 0 Votes
Nash and Lynn III   5/29/2015

Our second day of our stay was just as sexy as the first. It started with a nude breakfast. Do you know how hard it is to eat a meal with two beautiful, sexy naked women across the table? After bre


0 Comments, 932 Views, 0 Votes
Nash and Lyn II   5/27/2015

On our way home Rach told me about her and Nash. I’ll let her tell you.

“When Nash moved next to me I wondered why. When he put his arm around my shoulder I knew he wanted to fuck me.


0 Comments, 981 Views, 0 Votes
Nash and Lyn   5/25/2015

My wife, Rachel (we call her Rach), and I went to visit our friends in another state. We met Jacelyn (Lyn) and Nash through a mutual friend. It was one of those times when the four of us hit it off


0 Comments, 1316 Views, 0 Votes
The golfer and a homeless man   5/4/2015

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted


0 Comments, 238 Views, 0 Votes
Mom gives me a lesson   5/3/2015

I was a horny bastard growing up. I used to jack-off at least once a day. I had a stash of magazines in my room to beat off with. I kept things pretty well hidden for about a year. Then the magazi


0 Comments, 2930 Views, 0 Votes
Crystal   5/2/2015

After bowling the other night our team went to a local bar to celebrate taking all four points. We drank, laughed and talked for an hour. The guys (all married) called it a night and went home. I h


0 Comments, 1493 Views, 0 Votes
Me and Linda   4/28/2015

There’s ten years between my stepsister and me. Linda is, in the vernacular, a fucking fox. 5’6”, 120 pounds, 36C-24-34. I love my sister. I’ve never really thought of her as my stepsister


0 Comments, 2879 Views, 0 Votes
Four hour erections   4/27/2015

You've seen the commercials - "An erection lasting more than 4 hours". But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

I walked into a drug store and


0 Comments, 322 Views, 0 Votes
Fascinate   4/13/2015

Teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

0 Comments, 219 Views, 0 Votes
Confession   4/7/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I


0 Comments, 214 Views, 0 Votes
Intro to swinging III   4/7/2015

Margie and I were now fully into the lifestyle. Every Saturday night we went to the ‘Club’ as we called it. Now, six months later, we had fucked every member of the club. I especially liked Bet


0 Comments, 1684 Views, 0 Votes
Intro to Swinging II   4/6/2015

My wife (Margie) and I could hardly wait for Saturday. We talked about it constantly. I asked her if she was going to fuck one of the other men. She said she didn’t know, that it was a big step.


0 Comments, 1363 Views, 0 Votes
Intro to Swinging   4/5/2015

My wife (Margie) and I have been married 35 years. I truly love my wife but our sex life was getting a bit mundane. I decided we should spice things up a bit. I bought a copy of “Swingers Monthly


0 Comments, 1662 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Sex   4/5/2015

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others' company. After several weeks of meeting for


0 Comments, 204 Views, 0 Votes
Preparing Breakfast   4/5/2015

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and


0 Comments, 189 Views, 0 Votes
The Genie   3/24/2015

A man was walking on a beach in California. He found a dirty old bottle and picked it up. When he rubbed it to clean it up a Genie popped out.

“Oh Master. Thank you for freeing me. For


0 Comments, 117 Views, 0 Votes
Confession   3/23/2015

Gianni Poggio, an elderly Italian man who lives on the outskirts of Positano, Italy, recently went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,


0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes
A Golf Joke   3/18/2015

A golfer is waiting for a threesome to join in a round of golf. A threesome shows up and they invite him to play with them. He does and shoots a fabulous two under par playing right-handed.




0 Comments, 151 Views, 0 Votes
A Cowboy Story   3/15/2015

A cowboy is on his first visit to a big city. He enters a bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a beautiful woman walks in and sits next to him.

She looks at him and says, “Are you


0 Comments, 181 Views, 0 Votes
Senior Sex   3/15/2015

Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida. They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other’s company. After several weeks of meeting f


0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes
Ann, the end   3/11/2015

Ann ‘entertained’ Fred and Jamie on weekends, one on Friday, one on Saturday. The arrangement seemed to be working well. As usual I was present at each session. I couldn’t get an erection but


0 Comments, 1051 Views, 0 Votes
Ann, part two   3/10/2015

Saturday Ann was calmer. I guess getting screwed the night before served as a sedative. She still asked me for help with her outfit. I picked out a Scarlet Red ensemble including red bra and pantie


0 Comments, 660 Views, 0 Votes
Ann, part one   3/8/2015

The worst day of my life was when I was diagnosed with testicular and prostate cancer. It was a double whammy of the nth degree. I was devastated. I thought I was going to die but the doctor told m


0 Comments, 951 Views, 0 Votes
Sweet Sue   3/5/2015

I came home from work the other day to find my wife in a very, very sexy outfit. Valerie is a beautiful woman. I say that in all honesty. I’ve had numerous guys (and some gals) tell me how beauti


0 Comments, 1012 Views, 0 Votes
Show Time   3/1/2015

Dad was in bed on a Sunday morning. He wrote a note and asked his four year old to bring it to Mommy. He did.

She opened the note and read: ‘The tent pole is up, the canvas is spread. Q


0 Comments, 185 Views, 0 Votes
Lost Golfer   2/26/2015

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on


0 Comments, 223 Views, 0 Votes
My sexual awakening   2/20/2015

Julie was my best friend in school. We were inseparable. If you saw Julie you saw me. Julie was fifteen, a year older than me. She was very popular with the boys. She was pretty and she entered p


0 Comments, 1363 Views, 0 Votes
My future Mother-in-law   2/16/2015

A week before I was to marry Tanya I got a call from her mother. She said she had to see me as soon as possible. I told her I’d be right over but she said no I’ll come to you.

Tara is a


0 Comments, 3086 Views, 0 Votes
Love four-year-olds!   2/12/2015

A mother was shopping with her four-year-old . She smelled something that smelled suspiciously like poop.

She asked her , “Did you poop in your pants?”

The boy looked at her and


0 Comments, 273 Views, 0 Votes
Cindy and June, part III   2/11/2015

Cindy, June and I had a very active sex life. We had sex almost every night and sometimes more than once a night. Ever since that first night with June Cindy has really become more adventurous in be


0 Comments, 1290 Views, 0 Votes
The chicken and the    2/10/2015

On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken t


0 Comments, 179 Views, 0 Votes
The chicken and the    2/10/2015

On the farm lived a chicken and a , both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the whinnied for the chicken t


0 Comments, 50 Views, 0 Votes
Cindy and June, part two   2/10/2015

As you may remember Cindy and I had gone to bed and were just starting to have sex when I felt the bed move behind me. I was shocked when I turned and saw my future mother-in-law naked in the bed.

0 Comments, 1618 Views, 0 Votes
Cindy and June   2/9/2015

I met Cindy through a mutual friend. He thought we’d make a great couple. Cindy stood 5’4”, weighed 120 pounds and her figure was 36-24-34…a little top heavy. She had the most delightful se


0 Comments, 1579 Views, 0 Votes
Meeting Jodie   2/7/2015

I finally met Jodie. We’d been writing on Heated Affairs for a few weeks but just couldn’t get our schedules to mesh. We got them straightened out and met where she worked…. “The Dancing Mon


0 Comments, 584 Views, 0 Votes
My Sister   2/4/2015

I’m responsible for introducing my “baby” sister to sex. I was seventeen and experienced. I was on my third boyfriend and each had sampled my wares. I love sex. No, I’m crazy about sex. I


0 Comments, 2362 Views, 0 Votes
On Average   2/3/2015

On average, an American man under 75 will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will have sex only one or two times a year.

This is very upsetting news to ma


0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes
Mom III   2/3/2015

A week after Mom and I had our first fuck she told me about telling Aunt Sara. Moms said she took it very slow to draw it out a bit and get Sara on edge. She told how we started and added different


0 Comments, 1918 Views, 0 Votes
Mom Part III   2/2/2015

A week after Mom and I had our first fuck she told me about telling Aunt Sara. Moms said she took it very slow to draw it out a bit and get Sara on edge. She told how we started and added different


0 Comments, 423 Views, 0 Votes
Mom   2/1/2015

Mom and I were enjoying exploring each other’s bodies. I was excited because I was learning so much about the female anatomy and what turns them on. I was actually getting very proficient at getti


0 Comments, 2193 Views, 0 Votes
Mom II   1/31/2015

Mom and I were enjoying exploring each other’s bodies. I was excited because I was learning so much about the female anatomy and what turns them on. I was actually getting very proficient at getti


0 Comments, 829 Views, 0 Votes
Mom   1/30/2015

My Mom and Dad divorced when I was just three. My Mom was a basket case for about six months. I was probably the only joy in her life (although I don’t remember much about it, her sister told me t


0 Comments, 2300 Views, 0 Votes
Phone Call   1/28/2015

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.

She picks up; the man looks over at her and listens.

She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad y


0 Comments, 233 Views, 0 Votes
Johnny Sperm   1/27/2015

Little Johnny Sperm was in training. He knew his big day was coming and he vowed to be ready. He ran every day. He lifted weights every night. Finally one day it was time. He approached the start


0 Comments, 141 Views, 0 Votes
Lena, part II   1/25/2015

A couple of days after Lena and I fucked she called me. She asked if I could come over Friday night, Ken, her , would be out all night and she wanted company. I took me a nano-second to say yes.

0 Comments, 1492 Views, 0 Votes
Lena   1/24/2015

My best buddy in school was Kenny. We met in the third grade when we moved into town. We hung out together nearly every day. He had an older sister that was about ten years older than Kenny. His m


0 Comments, 1996 Views, 0 Votes
Golfing Priest   1/23/2015

Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick


0 Comments, 165 Views, 0 Votes