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A Bull Story   8/6/2014

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there, " as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his ...


3 Comments, 201 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
Sex After Death   8/4/2014

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like ...


1 Comments, 208 Views, 14 Votes ,5.70 Score
A Brazilian?   8/4/2014

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible.'

Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is that risk involved.'

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'


0 Comments, 111 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Mutual Orgasms   8/4/2014

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.

Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. 'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"

Mabel ...


1 Comments, 160 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Mr. Frog   8/4/2014

There was a man who had a 30 inch penis. He could not get any woman to have sex with him not even after he tried to get into the porn business. So the man said enough is enough and decided to go see a doctor.

He explained to the doctor his problem, who then laughed at the man believing he was over stating his issue. But once the doctor began to examine him he found out the man's story to ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
Another NON-Dirty joke by ME   8/4/2014

I was still in my hospital gown and ran into the room where my mom waited saying to her, "quick, we have to leave" .. She said, "what's wrong .. are you afraid of the surgery?" I said, "The nurse said it's Okay, it's very routine and to stop worrying" .. My mom shrugged and said, "Yeah, she was just reassuring you" ... I said, "No, she was talking to the Doctor!"


1 Comments, 63 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
A NON dirty Health related joke..   8/4/2014

I was still in my hospital gown and ran into the room where my mom waited saying to her, "quick, we have to leave" .. She said, "what's wrong .. are you afraid of the surgery?" I said, "The nurse said it's Okay, it's very routine and to stop worrying" .. My mom shrugged and said, "Yeah, she was just reassuring you" ... I said, "No, she was talking to the Doctor!"


0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
The World's Greatest Golfer   8/3/2014

A man was playing golf in Ireland. As luck would have it he sees a Leprechaun. The Leprechaun tells the man that according to Leprechaun law he can have any wish he wants.

The man thinks for a minute. “I want to be the greatest golfer in the world.”

The Leprechaun says, “I can do that but it’s going to affect your sex life.”

The man says that’s okay and ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
2 guys   8/1/2014

One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay’s leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor’’Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis’’ the doctor told him ’’ your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself’’ Bob asked’’ ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
angry wife   8/1/2014

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose, " she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's ...


2 Comments, 183 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
10 inch   8/1/2014

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
sex before marriage   8/1/2014

John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?

Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?


1 Comments, 73 Views, 12 Votes ,4.57 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
bottom line   8/1/2014

A cowboy rides his up to a saloon. All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink. The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your on the butt?" The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips." The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?" Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."


0 Comments, 63 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
passionplay0069 53 F
6  Articles
the confession   8/1/2014

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin, ' pal. There's no paper."


0 Comments, 51 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
The Man Who Gave Up Sex For Golf   8/1/2014

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.

"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt, " the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that ...


3 Comments, 120 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Teach your well   8/1/2014

A teacher asks the in her class of eight year olds: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Charlie says: "I wanna start out as an architect, then go into Real Estate be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest , give her a Lamborghini worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Manhattan, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout the world, an Infinite ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
Free Sex   7/30/2014

A gas station owner in Tennessee was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read "Free Sex with Fill-Up". Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7.... sorry, no free ...


1 Comments, 165 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
Sperm Count   7/30/2014

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
A Polish Divorce   7/28/2014

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
candycumms4u 59 F
1  Article
A different shade of grey   7/28/2014

He was in blissful ecstacy with a huge smile on his face as he enjoyed the moment. His wife moved forwards, then backwards, forwards, then backwards again...and again...and again, back and forth...back and forth...in and out...in and out....in and out.....in and out, every so slowly and gently trying to draw in and use every inch.

Her heart was pounding....pounding so that she felt it ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Guessing his age   7/27/2014

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact ...


1 Comments, 120 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
The Rude Receptionist   7/27/2014

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO ...


0 Comments, 169 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
Another Blonde Joke   7/26/2014

Two blondes was talking in a bar. One asked: y'know every time my husband comes home and brings me flowers, I have to raise my legs up. The other blonde replied: don't you have a flower vase?


0 Comments, 62 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Doggy Style   7/26/2014

Father and his 5 yr old was walking in the park and saw two dogs mating. The asked: dad what are the dogs doing? They are making a puppy?

Later that night the woke up by the thunder and lightning. He went to his parents room and saw his dad on top of mom.

asked: Dad what are you guys doing? We are making a baby. replied panicky: Oh no dad flip mommy over, I want a puppy! ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
4 nuns and St. Peter   7/26/2014

Four nuns died in a bus accident and went to heaven. The nuns were standing in line to enter the white pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter turned to the1st nun standing in line and asked: sister, have you sin? Well I have seen a penis once. That is ok, wash your eyes with holy water and enter the gates of heaven.

St Peter turned to the 2nd nun standing in line and asked: sister, ...


2 Comments, 158 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
It pays to be careful around old people   7/25/2014

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times...

When she is about to ...


0 Comments, 147 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A few short ones   7/25/2014

Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle. It's easy when I have a knife.

What do you call 50 Puerto Ricans in a room with 50 lesbians? A hundred people who won't do dick!

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts? Their balls show.

How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows; they never get the ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Grandpa   7/25/2014

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.

A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said,

"I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Whats the difference??????   7/25/2014

What's the difference between.....your job and your wife? Your job fucking sucks.

What's the difference between.....a walrus and a lesbian? One smells like fish and has a mustache, and the other is a walrus.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Good news Bad news   7/25/2014

"I have good news and bad news, " the defense lawyer says to his .

"What's the bad news?"

The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."

"Dammit!" cries the . "What's the good news?"

"Well, " the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Politics   7/24/2014

This joke is probably known by many But just for sharing

“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
7 + 3 = ?   7/24/2014

“I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants." So I wrote back: "Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”


1 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Error   7/24/2014

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, " and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." LOL


1 Comments, 26 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Remover   7/24/2014

One day, a man wakes up with a red ring around his penis. He can’t figure out what it is, so he goes to the doctor.

The doctor hands him a tube of cream. "Here. Put this on and the ring’ll be gone within the hour, " the doctor said.

The man drove home, put it on, and sure enough, the ring was gone within the hour.

But then the next day, he woke up and the ring was ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
pappito67 50 M
1  Article
SUPERMAN   7/24/2014

SUPERMAN Goes Over To BAT MAN And Say : Hey Lets Go Downtown And Fuck A Bitch. BAT MAN Says : Sorry I I've Got To Go Home And Fix My Bat Mobile I Have A Job To Do Tonight. So He Goes Over To SPIDER MAN And Say: Lets Go Downtown And Fuck A Bitch. SPIDER MAN Says: Sorry I Have To Go Home And Fix My Web I Have A Job To Do Tonight. So He Says: Hey I'm SUPERMAN I Have Ex-Rated Vision I'll Go Downtown ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
A Pirates Story   7/21/2014

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, " said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
NOT a dirty blonde joke..   7/21/2014

Barbie the blond wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Her boss told her, "Barbie, you haven't missed a single day since you started here 20 years ago." "So, I'd like to reward you.....how does a new car sound?" Barbie answered, "Uhhh....beep beep, vroom vroom."


3 Comments, 115 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Voodoo Dick   7/20/2014

There was a man who would not settle for anything but perfection, in work, play or meeting his perfect mate. He finally meet a beautiful, very sexually active woman that he knew was his soul mate.

They soon got married but his work began to keep him traveling more than he was at home. So since his new bride was so beautiful and sexually active he decided that he would by her something to ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
vazzaam1 37 M
7  Articles
cross the road   7/19/2014

MONKEY q: Why did the monkey cross the road? a: So he could get spanked.

CHICKEN KEEPS GOING q: Why did the chicken cross the road? a: To get to the other side.

q: Why did she go to the other side? . a: To go to the bar

q: Why did she go to the bar? a: To go to the toilet.

q: Why did she go to the toilet? a: Because that's where all the cocks hang out. ...


0 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
The Four Catholic Ladies   7/17/2014

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ...


4 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,5.97 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Cajun Math Test   7/16/2014

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without numbers?' The Cajun says, 'Dat is easy.' And proceeds to draw three trees. What's this?' the boss asks 'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine, ' says the Cajun. 'Fair ...


3 Comments, 104 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Hair Removal   7/16/2014

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and Now ... the wax. Read on.. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the . I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine ...


4 Comments, 104 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Name Dropper   7/16/2014

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the man his name "Fred, " he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred, " the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the man a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he ...


3 Comments, 120 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Retirement is Different for Everyone   7/16/2014

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing ...


3 Comments, 103 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
The Man Rules   7/16/2014

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down finally the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please These are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. ...


3 Comments, 79 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
The Pet Lizard   7/16/2014

Just after dinner one night, my came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. He's just lying there looking sick, ' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I ...


4 Comments, 102 Views, 10 Votes ,5.77 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
When is the F-Word Acceptable   7/16/2014

When is the “F” Word Acceptable?

There are only eleven times in history where the F-word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:

11. "What the “F” do you mean, we are sinking?" Capt. EJ. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the “F” was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those “F”ing Indians come from?" ...


3 Comments, 70 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
the69candylicker 55 M
12  Articles
Who is your Role Model   7/16/2014

FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET!! FIRST, DO THE SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR Role Model. It's CRAZY how accurate this is! 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3 4) Then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator.....) 5 ) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.... 6 ) Add the digits together

...


3 Comments, 54 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
Swinginroosters 43 C
2  Articles
Laid Off   7/15/2014

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three . I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Swinginroosters 43 C
2  Articles
marriage   7/15/2014

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_Aliqukalia 28 M
1  Article
Adult Jokes   7/15/2014

Run out of condoms? Turn a used one inside out.

Erection in class? Stand up and lean backwards to redirect the blood flow.

Post your jokes


1 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
Praise for prayers   7/14/2014

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Golfing accident   7/14/2014

Joe and his wife Annie were golfing on course built around an old Farm. On the par four 5th hole Joe sliced one badly. A barn stood between his ball and the green.

Annie said, “I’ll open the doors on both sides and you can hit through. I’ll stand inside and see where you land”. Joe thought it was a good idea.

Annie opened the doors, and Joe hit the ball. It entered ...


0 Comments, 140 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Senior Wedding   7/13/2014

Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, living in Fort Myers, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart ...


1 Comments, 121 Views, 11 Votes ,6.35 Score
Edna and Dorothy   7/13/2014

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking:

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
hrnywhiteguy11 44 M
1  Article
calcium   7/13/2014

How much calcium is in a French kiss????







Enough to make ONE bone hard!!


0 Comments, 3 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
Short Jokes   7/10/2014

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I almost died in Finding Nemo.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.



Dad: Hey want to hear a joke? : Yeah! Dad: Pussy. : I dont get it. Dad: Exactly...

...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
TOP 50 JOKES   7/10/2014

1. "I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs." Peter Kay

2. "Police arrested two yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off." - Tommy Cooper

3. "Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five ...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
wedding ceremony   7/10/2014

Husband (watching a video): Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass! Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching? Husband: Our wedding ceremony.


1 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
No Cash, No Hope and No Jobs   7/10/2014

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!


0 Comments, 21 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
911 Emergency   7/10/2014

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.


0 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
Stupid Teacher   7/10/2014

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."


1 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
hornycpl882 40 C
2  Articles
sex joke   7/10/2014

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
I_BRANDY 75 M
11  Articles
CHET   7/9/2014

While Christmas shopping for his wife a man was having difficulty finding anything for her. He found himself in a pet store at the end of South Main St. The proprietor asked, "can I help you?" No the man said, he had been all over town and couldn't find a thing. I don't even know why I'm here. She doesn't even like pets. "Well" the proprietor said, "she likes Christmas doesn't she?" Of course she ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
The Haircut   7/9/2014

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours."

The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours."

...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
The Baptist Bra   7/9/2014

A man walked into the ladies' department of a Dillard's Department Store and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Baptist, " said the man. "She said get a Baptist bra, and that you'd know what she meant." "Ah yes, now I remember, " said the saleslady. "We don't sell many of those. Mostly our customers ...


0 Comments, 163 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
eSex2004 47 M
7  Articles
Socrates' Logic:   7/9/2014

One day the great Greek philosopher Socrates (469 - 399 BC) came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment, " Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Three?", exclaimed the student.

"That's right, " ...


1 Comments, 64 Views, 0 Votes
NuBoyToy4u 37 M
10  Articles
so a guy walks into a bar   7/8/2014

and it hurts

so he doesn't do it again


0 Comments, 31 Views, 0 Votes
New Baby   7/8/2014

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to a call that a pregnant woman was in labor. The house was very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic ...


1 Comments, 146 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Confession   7/8/2014

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

"Father. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
Penis Problem   7/7/2014

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the , the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large ...


0 Comments, 163 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
The bagpiper   7/7/2014

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.

Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky backcountry. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
likeableman19 40 M
1  Article
A few days afther chrismas   7/7/2014

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The ...


1 Comments, 75 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
I_BRANDY 75 M
11  Articles
Uncle Bill   7/3/2014

the teacher was doing a class on sayings with a meaning, or a moral to the story. She called on joey and asked if he could relate a story with a morel. Joey told how his Grandfather and he were going to do the hay on Saturday rather than Friday, but it turned out to be a rainy day on Saturday and they couldn't do the hay. The teacher asked, what is the moral to your story Joey? Joey said, you ...


1 Comments, 120 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
I_BRANDY 75 M
11  Articles
Uncle Bill   7/3/2014

the teacher was doing a class on sayings with a meaning, or a moral to the story. She called on joey and asked if he could relate a story with a morel. Joey told how his Grandfather and he were going to do the hay on Saturday rather than Friday, but it turned out to be a rainy day on Saturday and they couldn't do the hay. The teacher asked, what is the moral to your story Joey? Joey said, you ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
axle0000 34 M
1  Article
Voodoo Penis   6/29/2014

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was ...


2 Comments, 127 Views, 15 Votes ,6.81 Score
rm_assmeone1234 33 F
5  Articles
Funny One   6/27/2014

A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?" Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister" And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."


3 Comments, 87 Views, 16 Votes ,5.04 Score
spicewetme 33 F
8  Articles
Simple Jokes   6/27/2014

“A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, ...


5 Comments, 78 Views, 14 Votes ,5.86 Score
A 10-year old's logic   6/26/2014

A father asked his 10-year old if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know, ” the said, bursting into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.”

Confused the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed. “When I was six, I got the “there’s no Easter Bunny speech. At seven, I got the “there’s no Tooth Fairy” speech. When I was ...


2 Comments, 185 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
A Blonde and Snow   6/26/2014

One winter morning in Syracuse a husband and his blonde wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through... So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, ...


2 Comments, 205 Views, 16 Votes ,4.60 Score
I_BRANDY 75 M
11  Articles
Timbucktoo   6/26/2014

In this town, Timbucktoo they had a contest each year to see who could tell the best poem. Each year the towns drunk would win the contest. There was a professor that lived there and he thought, I'm sure I could come up with a better poem than the towns drunk, after all, I'm an educated man, so he proceeded to enter the contest. On the day of the event it came the professors turn and his poem ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Old Sam is gone....   6/24/2014

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen! “I’m sorry Mr. Sam, ” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Saranghae2 51 F
11  Articles
B.O.B.   6/24/2014

this joke takes place in a sex club, btw. anyhow...

“Very nice indeed, ” the man says as she begins stroking him, “my name is Robert by the way.”



“Hmm, do you prefer Bob?” she asks...



Robert groans, halfway from lust and halfway in exasperation as he says, “please, I prefer Robert. I get too many jokes about Bob – you know, ‘battery ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
A traveling blonde   6/24/2014

A blonde got on a plane for New York and sat down in the First Class section.

The Stewardess told her “You need to move to the Tourist section.”

The blonde said, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m going to New York. I’m not moving.”

The Stewardess didn’t know what to do so she got the head Stewardess. She told the blonde she had to move to the back. ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Indian Names   6/24/2014

An Indian boy goes to his mother and asks, “How do Indian boys get their name?”

She answers, “Ask your father.”

The boy goes to his father. “How do Indian boys get their name?”

He says, “Ask the Medicine Man.”

The boy finds the Medicine Man. “How do Indian boys get their name?”

The Medicine Man explains. “When baby comes ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Golf   6/24/2014

A mechanic goes out to play golf. On the way home after the round he sees a car on the side of the road with the hood up. He stops and sees it’s one of his women customers. He gets the car started and turns to leave.

She says, “Your hands are dirty. Why don’t you stop at my place and get cleaned up.”

Six hours later he gets home and his wife is standing at the door ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
lawyers   6/24/2014

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their ?

To prevent from being billed twice for essentially the same service.


0 Comments, 35 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
Olympic   6/24/2014

The husband says to wife: "My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight."

The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
directions   6/24/2014

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They won't stop to ask directions


0 Comments, 10 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
difference   6/24/2014

Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces?

Nothing all the good ones are taken.


1 Comments, 14 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Programming   6/24/2014

Programming is like sex:

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
ego   6/24/2014

Four words to ruin a man's ego ...

"Is it in YET?"


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
fake   6/24/2014

Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
foreplay   6/24/2014

What is a man's idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.


1 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Sex   6/24/2014

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

Sex.


0 Comments, 7 Views, 0 Votes
Doggy style   6/24/2014

A sexual position which allows both participants to watch TV.


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
rm_rekhahaldar 29 F
4  Articles
Feelings   6/23/2014

The word "love" can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that English relies mainly on "love" to encapsulate; one example is the plurality of Greek words for "love." Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus doubly impede the establishment of a universal definition.


1 Comments, 31 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
tara2112 55 T
1  Article
german virgin   6/22/2014

What do you call a German virgin? Gudentite!


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
suckmeofft1950 64 M
0  Articles
Advice from Grandpa   6/20/2014

My grandfather once told " always look for women who have small hands" I said ok grandpa, but why? He then told me "because her small hands will make your cock look bigger".


1 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
suckmeofft1950 64 M
0  Articles
Advice from Grandpa   6/20/2014

My grandfather once told " always look for women who have small hands" I said ok grandpa, but why? He then told me "because her small hands will make your cock look bigger".


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Say it out loud...   6/13/2014

How long do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh??

Tentacles!

(Ten tickles)


0 Comments, 34 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
Italians   6/13/2014

Why are so many Italians named Tony ? Because when they got off the boat to Ellis Island they saw a sign that said To NY.


2 Comments, 28 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
A Good LAWYER Joke:   6/13/2014

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10, 000, 000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather ...


2 Comments, 159 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Spelling test   6/11/2014

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, “I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today.”

The first student raised her ...


1 Comments, 164 Views, 11 Votes ,3.73 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Men remember   6/11/2014

Men, remember this always


3 Comments, 85 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
all_alone3 37 M
29  Articles
Hair in my Spaghetti   6/11/2014

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!" The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?" Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!" The waiter apologizes up and down as he ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
all_alone3 37 M
29  Articles
Liar   6/11/2014

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was ...


2 Comments, 146 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a5   6/7/2014

boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected . The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall. He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected. The boy answered, "When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the ...


1 Comments, 192 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a10   6/7/2014

A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him: - Hey, What happens to you? - (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car. - Well, don't care and buy another car. - Look inside the car! - Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all. - Look inside her mouth!!!__________good!


1 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a9   6/7/2014

Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose, " she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?" A pretty ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a8   6/7/2014

A very old man went to a church, making this confession: - Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex with an 21 year old woman. - When was the last time you made a confession? - I never have, I am Jewish. - Then why are you telling it to me? - I am telling it everybody ... Two old ladies were outside ...


3 Comments, 84 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a7   6/7/2014

One day, a family goes to the circus. Mom, Dad, and all get their tickets and sit down for the show. Just as the elephants come into the ring, the father goes to get the snacks. Suddenly, the little boy jumps up and down and points at the elephants. 'Mama, Mama, what's that?' he cried. 'That's the elephant's trunk, ' she said. 'No, on the other end!' 'That's the tail, ' she said. 'Nooo, under ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a6   6/7/2014

A woman got pulled over by a traffic cop for speeding and she didn't have either her driver's license or any other identification. She started pleading with the cop to give her a break because she had received many other tickets recently and couldn't afford to have any more points on her record. She pleaded and pleaded with the cop to let her off with just a warning and when her pleading was ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
toygame30 23 M
8  Articles
a3   6/7/2014

One night, a couple is in the bed and the husband smoothly caresses their wife's arm... the wife is turned and she tells him: - I'm sorry but I have an appointment with the ginecologist tomorrow and I want to be fresh. The husband, rejected, turns back to his bed side and tries to sleep... Some minutes later it turns again and it uncovers her wife again , he whispers to her: - Have you an ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
BLONDES   6/5/2014

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" ... Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: To keep their ankles warm ... Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. ... Q: Did ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Tenderley 66 M
11  Articles
Make up   6/5/2014

My girlfriend asked me before we went out the other night "Do you think I am wearing too much make-up?"









Apparently ......... "Not if you are going to try to kill Batman" was not the answer she was looking for......................


1 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Tenderley 66 M
11  Articles
Neighbour   6/5/2014

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Tenderley 66 M
11  Articles
Nigeria   6/5/2014

America sent a crack troop of SEALS out to Nigeria to help find the missing school girls.

Britain sent Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall.


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
saccupl40 57 C
1  Article
balls of time   6/5/2014

Delbert and his wife Dora are on vacation in mexico, spending the day site-seeing, shopping and sampling the tequila, when they lost track of time and stumble upon this local sitting down head leaned forward wearing a sombrero, they ask excuse us but would you happen to know what time it is and the man looks up reaches under the burro beside him, grabs the donkeys balls, lifts them up(as if he ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Alien wife swap   6/2/2014

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do, " responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
18 daughters   6/2/2014

Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they’re father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
10 inch bic   6/2/2014

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_BiGuyInHTown 31 M
1  Article
A blonde, a brunette, a Frenchman, and an Englishman...   6/1/2014

are on a train going through the Alps. The train enters a tunnel and when it goes dark they all hear a loud SMACK. When the train emerges it's obvious the Frenchmen has been slapped.

The brunette thinks to herself "The Frenchman must have tried to grope the blonde and she slapped him."

The blonde thinks to herself "The Frenchman must have tried to grope me but got the brunette ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Fortune Teller   5/31/2014

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible grisly death this year."

Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
bra   5/31/2014

Customer : My wife needs a bra but, I don't know the size.

Sales girl : Touch my breast and try to calculate.

Customer : Oh ! I forgot she needs panties too..


2 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Fat Head   5/31/2014

A and his dad walk into a bar and the dads says to the .

"What do you want fathead?"

The stumbles on his words and the father again says, "What do you want fathead?"

A lady close by says, "why do you keep calling your fat head".

And he replies, "Well lady there are 3 things a man has to have in his life to be a successful man.

Number one you got ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
choir boy   5/26/2014

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating. He said, "What are you doing father?" "It's called masturbating, my ” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon." "Why's that father ?" he asked. "Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied.


1 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
High Urinals   5/26/2014

High Urinals A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Two bears   5/26/2014

Two bears were sitting at the side of the river near Ottawa. The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don't get it.' 'Well, ' said the big Bear, 'what have you been eating?' 'Politicians, same as you, ' replied the small Bear. 'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?' 'Down ...


0 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
kubaracz 41 M
2  Articles
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:   5/25/2014

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Feed him 2. Sleep with him 3. Leave him with peace 4. Don't check his phone (Msgs) 5. Don't bother him with his movements

So what's so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:

It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a ...


2 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Do they?   5/22/2014

Its confirmed they do..


1 Comments, 55 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Women Domination   5/19/2014

Women Domination

by cajee 5 days ago

When the end of the world comes, everybody on earth goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
How he do that??????   5/19/2014

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"


2 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Cops and good shots   5/19/2014

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.

Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center.

The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship.

The man turned out to be the ...


0 Comments, 156 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Redneck Jury   5/19/2014

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair.

His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe.

He told the red neck that he would be paid $10, 000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Things to do in the bathroom stall   5/19/2014

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Which is more painful??????   5/19/2014

Here is a thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
superhero2013 55 M
3  Articles
express airlines   5/19/2014

A blonde wanted to have some information regarding a flight from London to Paris.. So she called the offices of the airline to check.. A secretary answered the phone, and the blonde asks " Can you please tell me how long would a flight from London to Paris take?" To which the secretary not knowing the exact info replied "one minute" , the blonde hung up thinking to herself, " my god, ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
superhero2013 55 M
3  Articles
express airlines   5/19/2014

A blonde wanted to have some information regarding a flight from London to Paris.. So she called the offices of the airline to check.. A secretary answered the phone, and the blonde asks " Can you please tell me how long would a flight from London to Paris take?" To which the secretary not knowing the exact info replied "one minute" , the blonde hung up thinking to herself, " my god, ...


1 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Justaguy65775 46 M
1  Article
Kisses   5/16/2014

How would you like an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss but only down under!


0 Comments, 22 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
Sperm Says..   5/15/2014

Sperm



One sperm said to the other "i can't wait until we reach the fallopian tubes." The other said, "Forget it, stuiped.we're in the stomach."


0 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
cowboyhat19 37 M
1  Article
refridgerator   5/15/2014

Whats the differance between a gay guy and a refridgerator? A refridgerator doesnt fart when you pull the meat out!


0 Comments, 23 Views, 1 Votes
loddy234 30 M
2  Articles
Keep in mind...   5/14/2014

Note to self: When people ask you about your 'sex drive', they are not referring to your USB filled with porn.


0 Comments, 28 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
kinginsize07 58 M
18  Articles
improved flights   5/13/2014

the other day i was on jet airways, when i heard the airhostesses discussing the new seperate male/female toil;ets to come up by 2015. this added to my curiousity, and I shared with them what is going to happen, a man was in a hurry to ease himself but found the men's loo locked, he waited and waited till he was almost frustated. he requested the airhostess to allow him use the women's loo, but ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Stay for dinner   5/11/2014

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy.

The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"

The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?" Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!"

The waiter ...


1 Comments, 187 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Bunny and the Snake   5/11/2014

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's perfectly all right, " replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you ...


1 Comments, 139 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Wife   5/11/2014

My wife pulled out a strap-on and said, "Tonight I want to be the man."

So I handed her a porn mag and made her sleep on the sofa.


1 Comments, 67 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Track team   5/10/2014

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids.

The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship.

A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.”

“What?” the coach says ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Pick which one?   5/9/2014

During a long day of looking around a car show, I, and a couple of my friends, stopped in at Hooter's for some Hot Wings and a few beers.

After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators." I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.


1 Comments, 95 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
We have all watched this movie   5/9/2014

Watched this one and enjoyed


1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Missing Persons report   5/9/2014

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife

.

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet. Inspector: What is her height ? Husband: I never checked. Inspector: Slim or healthy ?. Husband: Not slim can be healthy. Inspector: Color of eyes ? Husband: Never noticed. Inspector: Color of hair ? Husband: Changes ...


0 Comments, 125 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
N2U4NNOW 45 C
1  Article
True Story lol   5/8/2014

A couple had a baby, the doctor comes in and says he is healthy but for some reason he doesn't have any eye lids. There is a procedure we can do though. When he is circumsized we can use the foreskin to make eye lids...Only problem is he will be cockeyed!!


2 Comments, 75 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
Saranghae2 51 F
11  Articles
A Good Year...   4/29/2014

[image]


1 Comments, 89 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The smell   4/25/2014

The other day my wife and I were working around the house...found some moth balls....I asked her did you ever smell moth balls?

She said...no how would I hold them by the wings or the feet....


0 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Throw back Thursday   4/25/2014

Picture of me early in my life


0 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Soft things   4/25/2014

I was on a date the other night, things were going great. She said to me..."say something soft and mushy"

I thought and said...."Oh Shit"


1 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Rules for online dating   4/25/2014

Always Always ask for more then one picture....


1 Comments, 94 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Norwegian Text Message   4/25/2014

OLE TEXTS LENA………....

“Lena, I’m having 1 more beer with Sven.” “If I’m not home in 1 hour .... read this message again.”


2 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
superhero2013 55 M
3  Articles
sex   4/23/2014

ok here goes!! 2 guys are at the pub having a beer, chatting . At one point one guy asks the other, "do you talk to your wife during sex"??

The other guy replies, " yes, if she phones me!!"




0 Comments, 43 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Hospitalized   4/21/2014

A man was hospitalized for having six plastic horses in his ass....





The Dr. listed his condition as stable.......


0 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NHL PLAYOFFS   4/21/2014

The St Louis Blues and The Chicago Black Hawks..(last years Stanley Cup Champs) are in a play off series. Third game this evening...

Now, do you know why the Blues can't serve beer in their stadium?

BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A CUP.....

that's a Stanley cup for the Hockey challenged, .


1 Comments, 38 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Can you see me?   4/19/2014

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages.



When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.



After two hours, she stopped nagging and said: 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?' He replied: ...


1 Comments, 214 Views, 12 Votes ,5.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Calories in cum   4/19/2014

Two women are sitting out on the patio having a conversation.

Woman one asks woman 2, "How many calories are in cum?

Woman two sits and thanks for a minute, scratches her head and replies, "If you're sucking that much dick that you have to worry about it... I don't think anyone's going to care if you're a little chubby."


1 Comments, 103 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A Husbands Call   4/19/2014

"Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office.

Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays.

The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have ...


0 Comments, 189 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Wrong amount   4/19/2014

Amy Winehouse was disappointed when it was explained to her that she had won 5 Grammys and not 5 Grams.


0 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Morning?   4/19/2014

A man was walking his through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.



"Morning!" he said.



The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Wild Blonde   4/19/2014

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the ...


1 Comments, 182 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Kiss   4/19/2014

What's the difference between American's french-kissing

and French people french-kissing?



The smell.


0 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Mardi Gras Costume Winner   4/16/2014

Mardi Gras Costume Winner for 2013 .....PETER PAN


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
rm_BigTaurus1 54 M
3  Articles
Death or fucking   4/14/2014

An explorer was lost in the jungles of central Africa.A cannibal(human eaters)tribe found him and made a party on him.The chief told him;you stranger have entered our area wihout our will.Therfore you are sentenced to Death, or...Fucking..You will choose your sentence by yourself.Then choose!..The explorer was happy that he had some choice.He answered;fucking..The chief then turned to his men and ...


2 Comments, 245 Views, 8 Votes ,0.47 Score
wowiatemydog 35 M
5  Articles
A man escapes from prison   4/14/2014

A man escapes from prison after being there 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, and then ties the girl to the bed. He gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, ...


0 Comments, 102 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
wowiatemydog 35 M
5  Articles
The bastard used coins!   4/14/2014

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you. But don't worry - I'll make it fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." After thinking for a moment, she called her boyfriend and told him the story. The boyfriend said, "Do it. But ask him for $2000. Pick up the money fast -- he won't even have enough time to undress." So she ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
wowiatemydog 35 M
5  Articles
Zookeeper   4/14/2014

A zookeeper was making his rounds one day when he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognized she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla. After many days with no luck, and the female gorilla getting more frustrated, he decided ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
wowiatemydog 35 M
5  Articles
Adam and Eve   4/13/2014

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"


0 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Ladyeater33 47 M
1  Article
First Night on Honeymoon   4/13/2014

This was the time when writing letter was the only mean of communication between people living far away from each other. A mother of three grown up girls arranged their marriages at the same date. After the ceremony was over, the mother asked her daughters to write their first night sexual experiences in their letters to her when they left with their grooms and they agreed.

Sure enough, ...


1 Comments, 185 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A Tale of Two Schlongs   4/13/2014

A white guy is in a public restroom using one of the urinals. Suddenly the door bangs open and a big black fellow rushes up to the urinal next to him, unzips, hauls out an enormous prick and let's loose like a circus elephant after a parade.

The black fellow sighs and says, "Just made it!" The white guy looks down at the huge schlong, then back up at the black guy and replies, "Could you ...


0 Comments, 183 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Heard a funny noise last night   4/13/2014

I heard a funny noise whilst in bed last night

So I jumped up and did all the usual stuff - checked the front door, checked the windows, shot my girlfriend five times, checked the back door.

Turns out there was no one there!


0 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lets take a minute   4/10/2014

Lets take a minute and remember that poor guy who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian flight 370 and now cant ever leave his Girlfriends apartment.


2 Comments, 93 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A Dying Democrat   4/9/2014

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!"

Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making ...


0 Comments, 190 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Pistorius   4/9/2014

At least we now know why Oscar Pistorius didn't take up wheelchair basketball.

He starts crying every time he enters the court.


0 Comments, 39 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Stray Condom   4/6/2014

A bunch of gay guys were in a hot tub........ a condom floated to the surface....... One of the guys asked "who farted?"


0 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Ladyeater33 47 M
1  Article
Its a question and answer session   4/5/2014

Question: Why did a 25 years young man died after getting married with a 75 years old lady? Answer: Because of drinking expired milk!

Question: Why did Osama Bin Laden hate to see women in panties? Answer: Because underneath every panty there is a Bush!

Question: What is the similarity between a man and a rat? Answer: Both of them search for Hole!

Question: What is the ...


1 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
Who's Worse?   4/4/2014

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
smart Wife   4/4/2014

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"


2 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JELLO   4/3/2014

Why is a bowl of jello, like a woman?



It quivers, if you eat it right!


0 Comments, 15 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Scotsman   4/3/2014

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A poor man meets a rich man just before Christmas   4/3/2014

The poor man asks the rich man, "what are you going to give your wife this Christmas?" The rich man tells him, "I'm giving her diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "why are you getting her those two gifts?" The rich man replies, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them." The poor man nods.

Then, the rich man asks the poor man, ...


0 Comments, 175 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
rm_BigTaurus1 54 M
3  Articles
A fuxking contest   4/2/2014

There was once a fucking contest internationally organised.Each competitor male entered a room in which a chimapazee female was enclosed.The first was American.He could remain in the room for 10 min..He got out saying ..oh its awful..The second a frenchman could remain 15 minutes and got out vomiting...The third..an Egyptian entered the room....time passed..1, 2, 3 hr...and suddently they saw the ...


0 Comments, 152 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
sexyredhead4692 70 C
1  Article
Joke   3/31/2014

An agnostic is a atheist without balls.


0 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
nchantedvixen 49 F
12  Articles
Shampoo   3/28/2014

A blonde is standing in an elevator with a few other people when a man wearing a black suit steps on. It's evident that the man has dandruff problems, because it can be seen on the shoulders of his suit. Two floors later the man gets off, and after door closes someone says, "Someone should really give that guy some Head & Shoulders." The blonde then responds, "Yeah… Hey, how do you give ...


0 Comments, 137 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
nchantedvixen 49 F
12  Articles
7-11   3/28/2014

Why did the penis go into the 7-11?

To get a slurpee...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
BobMaya2 46 C
1  Article
Bad cyber   3/26/2014

How do you know if u had bad cyber sex? If the Trojan u get is not a condom.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Irish Twins   3/25/2014

Twin sisters in a Dublin Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old.

The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa

The deaf sister said ...


0 Comments, 208 Views, 9 Votes ,5.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Wise Italian Grandfather   3/25/2014

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,

"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ....38 revolver so you will always remember me."

But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a ...


0 Comments, 152 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Irish Blonde   3/25/2014

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As ...


0 Comments, 184 Views, 12 Votes ,5.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A Jewish Grandmother   3/25/2014

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson and his wife who are coming to visit.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the ...


0 Comments, 156 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
I'm fine   3/25/2014

A farmer neighbor named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' ", asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie."

"I didn't ask for any details.", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the ...


0 Comments, 144 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Doctor   3/24/2014

A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

"Ole, I am goin' hunting' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, How was your day?" ...


0 Comments, 141 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Trapper69 66 G
28  Articles
Nookie Green   3/24/2014

An Irishman went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

"Father" he confessed, It's been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."

The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys"

Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional. "Father, It's been two months since my last confession. ...


5 Comments, 297 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Gut & Balls   3/23/2014

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Two dogs   3/22/2014

Two dogs are walking along a street. They are passed by a third driving a truck load of logs. One turns to the other and says: “He started fetching a stick and built up the business from there.”



Two cannibals eating a clown, one turned to the other and said: ‘does this taste funny to you?’





What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Assorted Groaners   3/22/2014

So I just asked Siri: “Surely it's not going to rain today?” She said: “It is, and don't call me Shirley.”

Why was the bee flying down the motorway with his legs crossed? He was looking for a BP station.

So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.'

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Some Assorted ones   3/22/2014

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Meet Frank Feldman   3/22/2014

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
Joke   3/21/2014

What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me im going in!


0 Comments, 9 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
Joke   3/21/2014

Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don’t Multiply!


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
joke   3/21/2014

Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a ? A: The one that says IDAHO!


0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
joke   3/21/2014

: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
joke   3/21/2014

: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
another joke   3/21/2014

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Swinger69696 30 M
7  Articles
joke   3/21/2014

what did the lesbian frogs say to eachother? we do taste like chicken


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Harmonica   3/17/2014

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.

A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love, " he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Avacados   3/17/2014

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."


0 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
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823  Articles
3 nuns   3/17/2014

Three novice nuns are in front of the Mother Superior. They are about to leave the Nunnery and take up roles in the community before returning to take their vows.

The Mother Superior asks the first novice. "What do you want to be in the outside world?"

First Novice. "A ."

The Mother Superior faints. When she recovers she asks again, "What do you want to be?

"A ...


0 Comments, 168 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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823  Articles
Small Joke   3/17/2014

A man has been arrested on suspicion of cutting off another man's penis.

However the police admit that a conviction is unlikely as the evidence will not stand up in court.


2 Comments, 62 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
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823  Articles
Italian Funeral   3/17/2014

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse. was a solitary Italian man walking a on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Now thats ugly   3/17/2014

My wife is so ugly....how ugly is she you ask....even the closes its eyes when it humps her leg


0 Comments, 32 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Chicago cop   3/17/2014

An 85-year old husband and wife decide to take a road trip. She drives because she can see and he rides because he can hear.

After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says "I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please." The woman turns to her husband and shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband replies, ...


4 Comments, 163 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Sick but a laugh when needed   3/17/2014

Too Early??????? Bet you laughed when you read this...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Winning number   3/15/2014

Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.

"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked.

He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more ...


0 Comments, 159 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OOPS wrong one   3/15/2014

George was embarking on a long trip and decides his wife should wear steel underwear.

He locks the underwear and gives the key to his best friend Sammy, saying "If I don't come back in 10 years, set her free."

George was only 30 minutes into his journey when he sees a cloud of dust behind him. It was Sam running after him.

"What's wrong?" George asked.

Sam, ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The bus driver   3/15/2014

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

The woman moves to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to Akpos who was next to her in the bus, "the driver just insulted me."

Akpos says "You go up there and give that stupid driver a big slap, Go on madam, I'll help you hold your monkey"


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
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823  Articles
Free drinks   3/15/2014

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill.

Bill: “While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Carlsberg or Tuborg   3/15/2014

A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
How can you make your wife scream   3/15/2014

How can you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?

Wipe your dick on the curtains.


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
magnifying glass   3/15/2014

My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product. So I gave him a magnifying glass!


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Question & Answer   3/15/2014

Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me i'm going in!


0 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
Hated Words   3/15/2014

The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’


0 Comments, 11 Views, 0 Votes
Handsome   3/15/2014

Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Handsome   3/15/2014

Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.


0 Comments, 6 Views, 0 Votes
Weather   3/15/2014

Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Pussy   3/15/2014

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Little Girl & Boy   3/15/2014

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Computer Password   3/15/2014

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, " and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."


0 Comments, 37 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
He has a problem   3/14/2014

Man goes to a shrink, he asks what's the problem?

The guy says, I live in a $3 million house, I have a 35 foot cabin crusier on the lake...I own a $1 million dollar vacation home...I drive a $150, 000 dollar car, The shrink, says wow that's really great so what's your problem...

The guy says, I only make $10 and hour...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Morris   3/12/2014

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The ...


1 Comments, 154 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
What time?????   3/12/2014

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.

It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'

'Really, ' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

' Twelve thirty..'


0 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Three old guys   3/12/2014

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'


0 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Crushed nuts?????   3/12/2014

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No, ' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


0 Comments, 34 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
3 bags   3/11/2014

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get twisted at the local pub one night and conspire to rob the local bank.

Drunk as they are, they try and rob the place but are too drunk to pull it off.

As the alarms scream, they leg it out of the bank and down the alley. Hot on their heals are the cops, responding to the alarm.

As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Blonde and the Lord   3/10/2014

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!   3/10/2014

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)

When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
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823  Articles
Hot & Cold Sex   3/10/2014

After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly . . . and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his elderly ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO IRISH NUNS   3/10/2014

Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross.

" So Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Wisdom of an older man   3/10/2014

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. ''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'' ''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''


0 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Those Alabama Folks   3/9/2014

A friend of mine went to Alabama for a quail hunt.

While walking the fields he saw a man fucking a calf in a pasture. He was pretty disgusted and headed back to the hunting lodge to pack his gear.

On the porch he saw a one-legged man in a wheel chair jacking off. He stomped in to the managers office and demanded his money back.

He told about seeing the guy in the ...


0 Comments, 154 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Umm, Ewww????   3/9/2014

Ole and Lena are havin oral sex when Ole says, "Lena did you know there are 117, 000 musk-ox in Alaska?"

Lena says, "No, I didn't. Gee, you're smart."

Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482, 000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?"

Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you're smart."

Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are over 2, 000, 000 caribou living in ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lets celebrate   3/9/2014

A man took his wife to a disco on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor going at it big time.... breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, splits, handstands, the works.

The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

The husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"


0 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Little Johnny again   3/9/2014

Little Johnny comes rushing in the house after school, so excited.

He blurts out to his mom... "Mom, I got laid for the first time". His mom is mortified and yells at him to go to his room and wait till his dad gets home.

Johnny sits in his room, scared and hears the front door open as his dad comes home. Shaking he waits and da finally wakes in his room. He looks at Johnny and ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Quickies   3/9/2014

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

You Gotta hand it to blind Prostitutes

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

What did the leper say to the ? Keep the tip


0 Comments, 57 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Trivia question   3/8/2014

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was Where do women have the curliest hair?? The answer I should have given was Fiji.


0 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Koala   3/7/2014

A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"

The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.

The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Which is it?   3/7/2014

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Which is it?   3/7/2014

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Little Johnny   3/7/2014

Johnny: I want to buy food. Seller: Do you have a dog?. Johnny: Yes. Seller: Where is it?. Johnny: At home. Seller: Sorry, I can’t sell you food unless I see the dog, it is our policy.

The Next Day. Johnny: Do you have cat food? Seller: Where is your cat?. Johnny: It is at home. Seller: Sorry, I can’t sell cat food for you unless I see the cat.

2 Days Later. Johnny went ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A tatto   3/7/2014

Eric gets home late one night and Sarah, his wife, asks “Where the hell have you been?”

Eric replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”



“A tattoo”? She frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”

“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates” he said proudly.

“What the hell were you thinking”? She said, shaking her head in disgust. ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Trays up please   3/7/2014

I was on a flight that was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Let's drive   3/7/2014

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his , "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Out drinking   3/7/2014

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face.

So he ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Blind man   3/7/2014

How can you spot a blind man in a Nudist's Colony?







It's not hard


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Two Irish nuns   3/6/2014

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in US by boat, and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd, " her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs here, " and they both walk towards the hot cart.

"Two ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A lady walks into a bar....   3/6/2014

for the first time, and orders a Budweiser. There are about 10 men in the bar. She drinks the bottle of beer down and promptly passes out...the men all take her to the back room and have their way with her.

The next night the same lady walks into the bar, there are about 25 men in the bar. A hush falls over the place...She orders a bottle of Budwiser...drinks it down and again passes out ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Who's cutting the grass???   3/6/2014

Summer is cuming and time to cut the grass


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Knitting??????   3/6/2014

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Word of the day   3/6/2014

Word of the day..we learn...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
What is Celibacy??????   3/6/2014

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men.

“Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

Frank ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Retirement Bonus   3/6/2014

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1, 000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Quickie in the Bushes   3/6/2014

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Elevator ride   3/6/2014

I always get myself into these damn messes – that’s the last time I’ll ever help anyone in an elevator.











BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS HAPPENED TO

ME JUST YESTERDAY!

I was beaten up by this woman Terry... I was in an elevator when this busty lady got in.





I was staring at her boobs, ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SCOOBY DOO   3/6/2014

There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants.

He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients.

Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.''

She did this ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
true104u 53 M
1  Article
Short but sweet   3/5/2014

What do you say to a hitchhiking frog???



















































HOP IN!!!!!!


0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
The Banker   3/4/2014

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the curb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile phone and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
true indeed   3/4/2014

MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.

You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
true indeed   3/4/2014

MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.

You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
Islandman209 47 M
6  Articles
true meanings   3/4/2014

School: A place where Papa pays and plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Lecture: An art of ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Who says men don't remember?????   3/4/2014

A couple were Christmas shopping.

The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
thought the adults were hiding out here laughing   3/3/2014

and there was a page filled with more bump! what goes bump in the night??


2 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Ole & Lena Joke   3/3/2014

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."

Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."

"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said, "Lordy!!! It's ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
chili   3/3/2014

Yankee Judge Chili Cook-off If you're not a Texan, you might not get this one, but it's still Pretty funny..

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person ...


2 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
bakersfield   3/3/2014

May 30th: Just moved to Bakersfield. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
kenontherock 65 M
1  Article
life's differences   3/2/2014

Q: whats the difference between a lawyer and a roster? A: the roster clucks defiance

Q: whats the difference between a computer and a woman? A: A computer will accept a 3 1/2 in floppy


0 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes
JimmyLSlamU 61 M
2  Articles
Fat Clothes   3/1/2014

How do you know when your girlfriend is starting to get Fat? When she starts fitting into your wifes clothes!!!


1 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SIREN   2/28/2014

A fireman was at the station house when he noticed a little girl next door. She was in a little red wagon with little ladders hanging off the side.

She was wearing a fireman's hat and had the wagon tied to a dog.

The fireman asked her, "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"

She said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The fireman walked ...


1 Comments, 139 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HELP ME A LITTLE?   2/28/2014

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
rm_symoorass 75 M
1  Article
smart cops?   2/28/2014

I just read the police arrested two boys yesterday, one for drinking battery acid the other for eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
POT   2/27/2014

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier... Shocked, the cashier asks..'What's this for?' The Rastafarian replies..'Me here to open a joint account'


1 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Woman breaking wind on a bus   2/27/2014

A woman on a bus is suddenly overcome with the urge to break wind.

She tries to let go a squeaker but instead lets loose a loud, disgusting blast.

The entire bus goes silent, and the embarrassed woman desperately tries to think of something to say to the man sitting next to her.

“Um…do you have a transfer ticket?” she finally asks.

“No, I don’t, ” ...


0 Comments, 125 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Sweet aroma of my mistress   2/27/2014

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A LION IN THE ZOO   2/27/2014

A lion in the zoo was lying in the sun licking its rear end when a visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said, “That’s a docile old thing isn’t it?”

“No way, ” said the zoo keeper, “it’s the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a Muslim into the cage and completely devoured him.”

“Hardly seems possible” said the astonished ...


1 Comments, 138 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LITTLE JOHNNY AND THE TEACHER   2/27/2014

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That’s very nice, " said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That’s very ...


1 Comments, 170 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HAIR DONE   2/27/2014

Did you hear of the three gay guys in San Francisco who stopped a straight woman on the street?

Well, two of them held the woman while the third one did her hair.


0 Comments, 46 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE MARRIAGE   2/25/2014

Marvin was having marriage problems

So off to the Rabbi Marvin goes...and he explains to the Rabbi saying..."Rabbi, my wife is trying to poison me...

The Rabbi say, Marvin let me go talk to your wife, when I return I'll give you some advice as what to do.

About 3 hours later the Rabbi returns, Walks up to Marvin...and Marvin is all excited and Asks...Rabbi whats your ...


0 Comments, 131 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GREAT HEARING   2/23/2014

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she ...


1 Comments, 159 Views, 9 Votes ,6.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
COMPARE   2/23/2014

I just had an argument with a girl I know.

She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.

So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.

But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.


1 Comments, 78 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW THE "Olympics" GOT ITS NAME   2/21/2014

Until recently, I didn't know this...

A slave from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece ..

In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events. ...


4 Comments, 151 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE LEPER & THE BARTENDER   2/21/2014

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lightening up the mood   2/21/2014

Q: How do you know you are a true stoner? A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? A: Because pot holder was taken

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PIGS   2/20/2014

A farmer had 5 female pigs.

Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.

After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the ...


1 Comments, 155 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ah ha !!!!!!   2/20/2014

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

"Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked.

"Actually, yes, I do."

"Does it hurt you?" he asked.

"No. I rather like it."

"Well, then, " the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you ...


1 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score